The Joker, The Unlucky 13 & The One That Got Away​.​.​.

by lee christian

supported by
Lynn Hallbrooks
Lynn Hallbrooks thumbnail
Lynn Hallbrooks I love how it starts out as well as the overall beat and rhythm. Favorite track: The Joker.
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made by lee christian in oxfordshire, manchester & bath, uk.
(p) & (c) lee christian & quickfix recordings (1995-2015)

'the one that got away' is a cover of depeche mode's 'world in my eyes', obviously not available here for legal reasons but can be sent to you by email. slot it between 'monster' & 'stakeout' or just go to my mixcloud page for the complete album experience! :-)


released July 14, 2015

many thanks to all performers, collaborators & inspirations
(listed on each track). mastered by mixgenius for landr.
cover photo by johnny moto. liner notes photo by darren brinham.
artwork by grace williams. project assistance: terri bonham/quickfix.



all rights reserved
Track Name: The Joker
the joker

v1. deal 'em out
watch 'em fall
get a crap hand
u'll lose it all

ch. the joker in the pack
is hanging in the back
he'll spring out at u
when u least expect it

v2. the ace of life
is up my sleeve
it ain;t my fault
if u get a bum deal

guest rap by keys:
come sit down here
take the burden off your shoulder
i see the anguish in u
living lines make u look older
the joker in the pack
popped up on the wrong day
like major arcana
reverse foul play
in the spread
even the ace turned his head
to attack from behind
just to stab u in the back
what's that?!
stitched up like jack
it was another marked deck...
Track Name: Slippery Slope
slippery slope

space, suckers and real life wet dreams
leeches starfuckers and messed up teens
aspirin, meths and naked flame
hearts on sleeves and childish games

let's go down the alley where nobody can see
lock the cubicle door and be careful not to squeal
take a break from being good and turn over a new leaf
slide down the slippery slope with me

sex, dope and slips of the tongue
shots and smokes and spit and cum
vampires, rubber and fake i.d's
sycophants, critics and wannabes

spinning out on lack of sleep
screaming out for bass and beats
Track Name: Vampire

my heart
hasn't felt this way
for a long long time (thats's
i'm feeling palpitations
have i finally found
the right person (somehow i doubt it)
but maybe at the wrong time
like salvation (no such thing for u)
in a fairytale (a sad story)
or in a nursery rhyme (or a sick song)
got me excited
can't get it off of my mind (u better get out of here
i biting nails now (that's how it starts)
can u guess the end? (it ends in tears)
where do we go from here? (anywhere!)
well we could go back to mine (no!)
it's not far to go (don't be stupid)
but i should let u know (haven't u heard?)
my reputation (somebody should've warned u)
i'm like a vampire (too late!)
and i can smell your blood (you're already in his sights)
it's really getting me hot (run while u can!)
why don't u come over here? x4

now what's that?
i feel like something has changed
it's like my soul grew back and
it's all re-arranged my brain
i'm starting to feel sane
or am i just kidding myself
because love was a thing that i'd put on a shelf
high up out of reach, no chance of getting near
and then suddenly your here

so can we just play this by ear?
can i just be happy you're here?
or should we just take a chance?
because i thought for me love was a thing of the past
yeah, i thought for me love was a thing of the past
it was a thing of the past

stop now
what are u thinking?
she's just a woman
she's just like all the rest
she'll rip your heart out your chest
and leave u for dead
feeling stupid
feeling angry
feeling desolate
like a vampire
in the midday sun
all burnt up
Track Name: Monster

eating away at me

i'm such a fucking monster
all plastic joy and fake belief
drug myself up to the eyeballs
so i can't see the me you see
i'm such a fucking american
the emperor's new designer jeans
nail myself to a burning cross
so u can't see the me i see

i want to be selfless
i want to see sense
all this power in my hands
and i use it all for my own ends
Track Name: Stakeout

a love like this can never die
because i know it's only in my mind
a love like this can't be replaced
because it never existed in the first place

forever in the distance
always on hand to lend assistance
right now u don't even know me
but i see all the things that u'd never show me
never show me

show me someone who doesn't like to watch
when people never notice u
voyeurisms all u've got x2
voyeurisms all i've got
it's all i've got x4

before u go to bed
u comb your hair
well i know because i'm always there
i'm always there x5
i'm always x2
always on the stakeout
always on your case
surveillance the biggest part of the chase
i said this is the best part of the chase

show me someone who doesn't like to watch.
Track Name: My Sweet Jezebelle
my sweet jezebelle

she's like a speeding car in the fastest lane
she's like the feel of cold steel right across your veins
she's like a loaded gun that's pointed right at your head
cock the hammer spin the barrel, come on and place your bets
(come on and place your bets)
she's like a race u know u've lost, right before u even start
she's like a razorblade slicing away at pieces of your heart
she's like a foot long dildo boring straight up your ass
now bend over and assume the position
it's time to suffer for your art (suffer for your art)

my sweet jezebelle - well she press my buzzer and she ring my bell
my sweet jezebelle - well i only get the sweet shit if i promise not to tell

well she's the dark wet gloss of a pouted lip
she's the tingling on the end of your finger tip
well she's your favourite centrefold, stuck together and stained
she's the dirtiest wet dream with the sickest of twists
see temptation in her tongue as it runs over her teeth
she's like a rottweiler bitch on heat!

she's like a noose pulled tight right around your neck
well she's the desperation in your dying breath
she's like a poster child for the living dead
she's like a little taste of heaven which just a little pinch of hell
my sweet jezebelle
Track Name: Foreverevermore

grab my hand and hold on
no telling what'll happen next
we were doomed from the word go
fated since u first said yes
nothing behind but history
nothing to do but carry on
lost the sense of mystery
we've loved each other to death for way too long

and it's a miracle that we made it this far (it's miracle)
so tell me who's to say (don't tell me) we can't make it just one more?

now and then the cracks appear
really can't say sorry enough
heartbreaks on a regular basis
stuck in a mexican stand off
still we fly on blindly
the centre of the sun is just ahead
when your wings are burnt away
i'll hold u tight til i am dead
Track Name: Off The Hook
off the hook

make me wanna never take another call
make me wanna rip the phone out of the fucking wall
please why can;t u just leave me alone?
god... let me sleep.

oh god, is that the phone?
who the hell could that be?
shit i better get it considering i'm the only one at home
still i bet it's not for me
suppose i'm up now anyway and i need to take a piss
oh no not another someone trying to sell me shit
dude i so don't need this...
it's 9am you bastard and i went to bed at five
how are u surprised to have woken me up
when i'm just shocked i'm still alive?
my name's not even in the book
they just keep calling they don't give up
now i don't want to be rude but look
form now on i'll just keep it off the hook

just keep it off the hook x5
off the hook

no new phones
no new gas
no electirc
no questionaires
no donations
sorry to say
no time to spend
so just go away
no patience for your generic script
no interest in any of it

maybe it's your method that offends me x2
(maybe your robotic approach)
(maybe it's your android tone)

makes me wanna rip it out the fucking wall
makes me wanna never take another call
Track Name: T.W.A.T

there was a time we were inseparable
our words would bind us everyday
there was a time when i heard wedding bells
now all those sounds have gone away

from joined at the hip to just barely in touch
and i miss my best friend so very much

their was a time our wavelengths were the same
finishing each others sentences
there was a time i wore rose tinted shades
but now i look through a broken lens

from siamese twins to just barely in touch
and i can't help but miss u so much...

i miss u every day and every night wracked with pain
i miss the times we used to share
but now the tapestry of my life seems thread bare

there was time i thought our love would last
that it was but of such strong stuff
but nows the time i know our love is dead
and i miss u dear so very much
Track Name: Down Here
down here

down here in my hole
can't get any peace
although i'm all alone
the voices never cease
they always find a way to frighten me
by showing me what a monster i could be

i'll teach u about hate
u teach me about loss
i keep on carrying that weight
u keep on counting the cost

down here in my pit
i learn to like the dirt
i learn to live in shit
it can't get any worse
u always tell me i should lighten up
i just reply the world is darker than
this world is darker than u can see

how long can we exist down here?
Track Name: Confidence Trickster
confidence trickster

i think i wanna fuck u
or maybe just be u
do u think i could touch u?
or even maybe just see u?

i've got a heart that's as broken as my fractured mind
i've got soul that's as black as the dead of night
i've got conscience on a par with a dirty copper
i've got a bad obsession brewing with any vice on offer

all evidence must be destroyed
what a stupid boy
confidence trickster
what a stupid boy

could i get right inside u?
or maybe even surround u?
or maybe i could become u?
and maybe then get to know u...

keep on banging those nails
u know how much i fucking love it
string me up along with all those tall tales
i know exactly what your like
but i can't seem to get enough of it
no i can't seem to get enough of it

u always cut to the bone
u never cut to the chase
u always cut to the core
make me wanna cut my face
cut it all to pieces
cut to the next scene
cuttings on the editors floor
and a button that says 'delete'

all the evidence must be destroyed
confidence trickster - stupid boy.
Track Name: Just Dust
just dust

(blood & oil coagulate)

superman is a myth
the land of the free does not exist
the lap of luxury, a syphilitic pit
our time is up, the last chance missed.

soon there will be nothing left of us
(blood & oil coagulate)
just dust...

freedom of speech
it takes the piss
u never know what u just missed
your ignorance is fucking bliss
wallowing just like pigs in shit

these waters ain't so tranquil anymore...
(blood & oil coagulate)
Track Name: Adaptation

the only barometer u can trust is your heart
(u are what u love not what loves u)
no one can judge u if u almost die
(i wanna be a baby again)
it's like a free pass
(i wanna be a baby again, i wanna be new!)

if ours is such a love not to be rivalled
such a classic love affair
then how come no one remembers?
it's like it wasn't there!

i don't see a movie based on it
no hit best seller story
no number one love song about it
that's because nobody cares

if ours is such a legendary story
such a passionate epic tale
how come that pair of charlatans romeo & juliet
keep stealing all our ratings?

because it turns worthless if u let it die
because longevity is all they want
it's not about the quality of life
because it's all about sheer quantity
because u know love comes cheaper if u buy it in bulk...
Track Name: Tapeworm

i wish life was never ending
i wish life would end right now
i think life's just a drop in the ocean
i think happy thoughts under a permanent frown

all used up, bruised up
blood sweat and tears
all messed up, smashed up
sum of all your fears

i wish i could just stop giving
i wish i could take so much less
well i'm scared to think my kingdom's coming
but i'm more scared to see what's left of it...

well there's a tapeworm in the stomach of society
it's feeding on u and it's feeding on me.
Track Name: *the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist*
let me tell u what i'm thinking about sweetie
i was in the bath one day when i discovered
why i was destined for greatness
u know how concerned people are with appearances
this is attractive, that is not
well that is all behind me
i now do what other people only dream about
i make art until someone dies...
see? i'm the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.